How do I learn to have “peaceful “ disagreements with my partner?

I (F 21) grew up in a very toxic household with lots of mental and physical abuse. My parents were the type that should’ve gotten divorced, but never did. There were constant arguments that usually included violence, yelling, and very hurtful words.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I love him very much. Our relationship is generally amazing, however I find myself having a hard time whenever we get into disagreements because as soon as I feel attacked in any way, the past side of me that feels like I need to defend myself from abuse comes up and I tend to act out in very irrational ways.

I am seeing an amazing therapist for this issue but I was wondering if anyone else had any tips or advice. Thank you very much!