A psychiatrist ruined my life

I can’t feel anything after a few SSRIs I feel nothing anymore, no connection to anything. My dick is numb and has been for over a year now, I’ve tried vitamins, exercise, being hopeful. I’m in college and was half way done, I worked my ass off to try and feel better. Making friendships and working, doing classes. But now I can hardly remember anything. I have no deep connection in my body any longer. Like at this point I’ll probably commit suicide by the end of this year. I’m not gonna live like this, I’ve told my family what has been happening and all I get is dismissed and told to stop complaining. I’m unwilling to try any more medication. I even paid $2000 for ketamine infusions and they did nothing for me. Maybe I should try MDMA as a very last resort. I will never trust a doctor again. They ruin people’s lives then pretend like it wasn’t their fault. They say oh it’s depression returning or anxiety, like no the fuck it isn’t. My dick was never numb when I had anxiety, the pills made me depressed and suicidal and destroyed my pleasure.