[New Update] - My dad died
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Infinite-Arachnid987 posting in r/TrueOffMyChest
Concluded as per OOP
Mood Spoiler - very sad
Content Warning - parental death, severe injury
1 update - Short
Original - 21st December 2024
Update - 6th January 2025
1 New Update
Update2 - 17th January 2025
My dad died.
I’m 15 years old and my dad died last night. We were driving on the highway and someone swerved or something and hit us. I don’t remember much of it. One moment I saw a car coming towards us, the next thing I knew I saw trees, flashing lights reflecting on glass, people were talking to me but I could barely hear them. I looked over and I saw my dad cut up, bleeding. A tree branch had come through the window and stabbed him. He wasn’t dead then, but I think he knew. He told me he loved me. I was screaming when they took me out of the car, away from him.
I’m in the hospital. I couldn’t sleep last night at all. My aunt came in and told me he was dead this morning. She apparently is taking custody of me, but the social worker says they have to confirm things before she can take me. I don’t really know what’s happening. I’m hurting and all I want is my dad, but I know he’s not here anymore. Apparently my big brother was told and is flying home today.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like it’s real. I keep feeling nothing and then so much I want to scream. Why didn’t I die there too? Why did he have to? And everything hurts so much physically too with my injuries.
I had to talk to the police this morning. I overheard the nurse telling my aunt that they’d been able to keep them away because of my injuries last night, but because my dad died things were more serious now and I had to talk to them. I’m so tired, I don’t know what’s happening to do. I wish my dad were here. I want this to be some cruel joke so he can come out and hug me while I act mad at him.
Edit: Just to for clarification, I’m a girl.
Edit 2: my brother is here and I’m feeling a little better now that he’s here and fussing over me like he always did when I was little. We’ve already cried together and my broken ribs hate me for it. I know I’ll definitely cry some more later. He was talking to my aunt privately about some stuff, I don’t really like that they’re keeping some stuff from me but I’m hoping they’ll tell me later. Thank you guys for being so kind, and thanks to those of you who sent me PMs with advice. Staring at my phone a lot hurts my head so I haven’t read everything, but thank you for reading what I wanted to scream into the void
Edit 3: My Aunt and Brother were trying to figure out how to tell me the doctors want to do a surgery on my spine. I got so anxious about them hiding stuff from me I lashed out and they told me. Apparently the accident caused damage that they don’t believe is immediately dangerous, but that could potentially paralyze me if they don’t fix it soon… so I guess I won’t be going to Christmas, but that’s probably good because I don’t want to celebrate anything. Also my brother said he was talking to my Aunt about him taking custody of me instead of her. So yeah.
Comments
Ok_Concentrate1092
Buddy there's not much I can say to help tou,but I'm very sorry for all that's has happened in a short time. Talk to the nurses tell them how you're feeling. You're going g to need alot of help. Not just physical. The sooner the better. Talk,yell ,scream get it out. Big hugs from me.
OOP: Thank you. I don’t really know what I’m looking for my posting here. It’s just so much that I need to get it out. The nurses are so busy. I don’t want to bother them
jackiebee66
You aren’t bothering anyone. Right now all you have to do is breathe. Nothing else. I know how much even breathing hurts, but it will get easier. Just breathe. I just lost my dad 2 months ago and I know how awful and overwhelming this is right now. Just keep reminding yourself, breathe. Let the adults around you do the worrying. You just breathe. And know everyone here is rooting for you and we’re here for you.
Auchincloss
I’m so sorry. There is really nothing to say that will help. Except perhaps I am certain your dad was grateful it was him, and not you.
OOP: I’m sure you’re right. He would always do anything he could to protect me. I just wish it didn’t happen.
Ih8teMyInlawsTheySuk
Coming from a parent, this is exactly all he cared about in that situation. He was glad it was him and not you and please cherish that he was able to say I love you one last time. What a gift for you both in spite of such a tragic loss. You may not realize it yet but you will. I know he must have been so very appreciative that he was given that opportunity. OP - ngl, you have a lot of healing to do. Mentally, physically and emotionally. Taking everything one step at a time, one day at a time, one minute at a time if that’s all you can handle is critical. Don’t think too far ahead if it’s too overwhelming and makes you panic. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve any way you feel like because there is no right or wrong way (unless you let this ruin your life because I guarantee that isn’t what your dad wants). Let people help you, lean on them and draw strength from the love they show you. As many others say, we’re here too. I wish you all the best and tons of strength for your difficult journey of healing. Sending love to you as well. I am terribly, terribly sorry for your loss.
Update - 16 days later
Hello again. I hope that the new year is being kind to all of you. I have gotten a lot of PMs from people worried about me and wishing me well, and I wanted to thank everyone and give you an update. I haven’t responded to many people, but I appreciate all of your kindness regardless. Also this is gonna be long so I’m sorry in advance
So the day I posted last I was transferred to a children’s hospital because after they did some scan and they said I had more damage than they’d first seen and high risk of paralysis if I moved wrong. They didn’t feel comfortable doing the surgery so I was sent to a children’s hospital.
I also had to be heavily sedated because I’ve learned that I now have an unfortunate fear of being in a car of any kind. I had a panic attack when they put me in the ambulance :/ and then another one when I was discharged from the hospital and had to get in the car to go home. It’s embarrassing honestly.
Anyway, now I have a bone graft and some metal in my spine. They called it a cage which sounds super weird. I’m in OT and PT right now, I also was assigned a therapist and a social worker. According to my therapist I have a lot of stuff going on. Survivors guilt, grief in general, and separation anxiety because every time my brother leaves I panic really bad. It’s gotten a little better I think because at first I freaked out whenever I couldn’t see him. I’ve been trying to be better with it because I know my big brother is hurting bad too from losing our dad, I’m sure he needs time by himself. It’s not rational but I keep thinking that if he leaves and drives anywhere that I’ll never see him again.
Christmas in the hospital wasn’t bad honestly, I was pretty out of it because of the pain meds. But my aunt, uncles, and grandparents came and we did Christmas dinner there instead of at home. I only opened one of the gifts my dad had wrapped for me. They’re the last things he’ll ever give me so I almost don’t want to touch them. My brother got approval from the social worker to keep me for the time being, but he keeps having arguments with my aunt and my grandparents about it. They aren’t arguing in front of me, but it’s pretty obvious. He wants to keep custody of me because he wants us to stay together and they either don’t want him to or don’t think he can handle it. He’s 23 and he normally lives across the country. I told him I didn’t want to move out there and he said he’d already asked his boss about transferring to remote work with an eventual transfer to one of their offices here. Right now he’s not working though.
We’re home, I was in the hospital for a little over a week. It’s weird to be here… I keep thinking my dad is gonna come home from work. I’ve been wearing one of his old work jackets all the time. My brother and I slept in dad’s bed our first night home. There have been lots of tears from everyone. My grandparents really wanted to organize dad’s funeral, I was able to go thankfully. I’ve been having bad nightmares, but my therapist says that’s not unexpected. School was supposed to start back up today, but it was a snow day. I’m also not going back in person yet. Because of my car anxiety my therapist recommended I do at home tutoring for right now, my doctors advised it too because I still don’t have great mobility yet.
Overall I’m a mess and I will be for a while. Hopefully things get better though. But yeah, thank you guys for being so kind to me
Comments
PrincessBella1
The firsts after someone dies are the hardest. It is good that you have family who want to support you but it will never be the same. I am so sorry for your loss. Let them help you and if the nightmares continue, consider getting some therapy. I hope that in the coming year, you will continue to heal and have more good days than bad. Don't be afraid to lean on your family. I wish you a quick recovery.
Update - 11 days later
Hello everyone, I hope you’re having a lovely day or night.
I wanted to pop in and give an update on everything that’s going on because I’ve gotten a few PMs and also, I really just need to get out of my own head right now. First though for those of you who have asked me, I wanted to say that no, there is no go fund me. My family doesn’t want any of your money and while I know everything is gonna be really expensive I’ve talked a little bit to my family and they all believe it’s going to be fine. Also, I posted on here cause I was overwhelmed and sad and scared (still am honestly) not because I wanted anyone’s money.
Now with that, I’ll give you guys a little update. I am doing school! It’s honestly kinda nice, it makes me feel like a person again. I am doing it at home though with like tutors who are scheduled to come by once a week for each of my different classes. I’m kinda surprised it’s not an online thing tbh but I like seeing my teachers again. They’ve all been really nice even if they are kinda treating me like glass.
My brother and I have mostly left my dad’s room untouched, with the exception of the two jackets we each have from his closet and when we sometimes just go and lay on his bed. I’m currently in his bed rn actually.
My occupational therapist and physical therapist both are really happy with the progress I’ve made so far, but I’m still gonna be seeing them for a while I think. My OT has been asking about my hobbies to try and see if we can work them into my sessions and I told her I wanted to try painting. My dad used to paint really gorgeous landscapes with his watercolors, so I wanted to try it. When I told my older brother about it, he said that I should use one of my dad’s old watercolor sets. I picked one of the ones that he didn’t use very often because it felt bad to use his go to set. While I haven’t been able to do much painting in OT I have been painting on my own and it makes me feel so connected to my dad. I like to think he would’ve liked my paintings even if they aren’t amazing. My psychologist lady actually has assigned me what she calls homework about painting my feelings, but I don’t entirely know what that means.
Other than that, therapy (the mental kind) has been going okay too. Idk how but my therapist has time to see me 3 days a week. The goal is to not see her that often obviously but I definitely need it. She prescribed me anxiety medication, a daily one and then an as needed one. We went through a couple pills already cause the first 2 made me a lot more anxious. Therapist lady said it happens to some people. The as needed one that I’m on now makes me super super tired so I don’t like taking it, but it’s helpful when I have to be driven places rn because I still panic with cars. My therapist wants me to do exposure therapy, which is understandable but it sucks really bad. We’re starting with like a computer simulation thing.
The more upsetting thing for me (aka why I’m writing this as a distraction) my brother is currently on the other side of the country. His flight left this morning and he’s coming back tomorrow night, but oh my god I’m panicking so bad. I’m trying really hard not to take my anxiety pill because I took one earlier and basically slept through most of the day, but it’s so bad. It’s necessary, like he needs to organize moving his stuff and like do something about his apartment cause he’s moving back home so he can be my guardian and take care of me, but I’m so scared he won’t ever come back. Like what if his flight crashes? Or if he’s in a car accident and dies like my dad? What if he just decides to abandon me? My brain just won’t shut up and it’s so scary. Maybe I should just take another pill and sleep till he comes home. Both of my grandparents and my aunt are home with me, but it’s not him.
Umm… trying to think of any other updates, my brother managed to get a full time online position here with his current work until he can get another job. My family has chilled out a little bit (probably after seeing how badly I panicked without my brother) and are currently working together to make sure my brother can keep me instead of arguing. Evidently social work stuff takes a while.
But yeah. Sorry if I got off topic or rambled or don’t seem like myself or if my grammar is bad or something I’m so all over the place
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