Am I overreacting after I found out my boyfriend’s online “friend group” I became part of 2 years ago has been JUST him the whole time?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Mindless_Tennis_4045
Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting
Am I overreacting after I found out my boyfriend’s online “friend group” I became part of 2 years ago has been JUST him the whole time?
Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: gaslighting, possible stalking
Original Post: December 30, 2024
Transcript of the text messages
OOP: i just want to know why
OOP: when it finally came time for the Hawaii trip, how were you going to explain that?? what were you thinking [redacted]
BF: You know something I've noticed about you?
BF: You can never just be calm, and there always has to be an issue. I know you were raised in a volatile environment and still have to relearn a lot about healthy relationship dynamics, but it's like you thrive on chaos. only.
BF: And we were gonna see wicked tonight. Pfft I guess there that goes.
OOP: you can't be serious.
OOP: i deserve answers, i am honestly so creeped out
OOP: basically half of my life for the past two years has been a complete and total lie and you were behind all of it
BF: Okay, don't be dramatic. You know this isn't a big deal, you're just giddy to harp on this and make a bigger issue
Text box below the text messages
I guess I should’ve been less oblivious, but since a little before we started dating in 2022 I was added to my boyfriend’s (just friend at the time) three person instagram group chat with what he explained were some of his closest online friends. The two other accounts seemed like real people because they had real followers and comments on their posts, and drastically different aesthetics/looks to them.
We eventually made a discord server for us and that alone was convincing enough since multiple times we’d all be active at the same time. We never voice chatted but I used to never voice chat either, so I didn’t think twice. The group got closer though as more and more time passed since I was first added to their group chat, and last month we got together and planned a research TRIP TO HAWAII for August (we live on the East coast of the US). Like we booked everything!
So imagine my surprise when I’m over at his house tonight and his computer is open and I just want to log into my google docs when I accidentally stumble across first of all, follower bot sites, and also him logged in and chatting with me as one of the individuals I thought I had become close with, and just got this sinking feeling. I didn’t jump to the idea that they could be fake either, I was like, maybe he just has their logins since they’re all so close and is way too interested in their messages, but then I noticed their only chats were the group chats and the server, and the real kicker was the email address it was signed up under was his backup email with his full name. I quite literally snooped until he got out of the shower and caught me, which I’m not saying was right of me but I couldn’t help myself. During my snooping I gradually became devastatingly confident that he wasn’t behind just one but both accounts.
I’ve never seen his face so red and he just absolutely panicked and started shouting at me to get out of his business. I couldn’t even form the right words to say to him, in the end I just walked out of his apartment sobbing.
It’s very early in the morning, I get that, but this screenshot is what he has to say and I’m starting to feel crazy. Am I overreacting about my discovery?
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: NOR. Ghost him and be thankful you didn’t procreate…..
OOP: i think ghosting is exactly what I’m going to do. and right LMAO
OOP should leave her boyfriend if they live together. Not Safe.
OOP: thankfully we have never lived together so it will be easy to discard him from my life asap
Commenter 2: That is seriously so fucking creepy 😳 he probably made those accounts to try to get with you back when you were just friends, and then just contiuned with the lie after he won his prize. This is gross and unsettling.. I wouldn't even wanna be anywhere near him after that 😳
OOP: god yeah that tracks???? looking back they did hype him up an awful lot……… bruhhhhhhhhhhh
Brief update: December 30, 2024 (same day, four hours later)
Transcript of one text message
BF: Do you want to get our tickets off the AMC app or buy them at the theatre?
Just got this. He still hasn’t explained himself, essentially at all. I am going to take the advice of the majority of the comments section and block on everything. Thank you so much for all of your kindness and support. I have not slept at all as this is just such a bizarre situation, so I appreciate you all
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: This is messed up. Has he otherwise been a functional member of society?
Was he afraid to admit he didn't have any friends?
OOP: yes this is honestly shocking, i thought he was just mean sometimes not additionally crazy and the other proper words, he has a best friend in his hometown
I assume people will be looking at my account so I just wanted to reassure you of my safety and leave you with this for now December 30, 2024 (same day, one hour later)
I honestly have the biggest migraine of my life and I haven’t slept at all. Nothing similar to this has ever happened to me before but my life has been crazy enough to where I wasn’t able to prepare for the huge reaction something like this gets, I knew it was bizarre but I didn’t know it would jump to the top of EVERYTHING, I assumed it would collect some advice or opinions I could read and then the post would get lost in the void like how it goes with the majority of my others. But I sincerely appreciate every bit of support.
Unfortunately I am also being bombarded with hate and nasty messages and my headache keeps getting worse, so I need to get off Reddit for today but I don’t want to just ghost and make people think something horrible happened, because I am taking the steps to make sure nothing does.
He does have my address but I live with my family in an apartment building that needs a key fob to get in so I have at least those two layers of safety for now, but for some reason I doubt that at least today there will be any attempts at a personal confrontation, and even then I am confident I will be able to remain safe and far away as possible in the case he does come around. I have alerted some of my (real) friends of the situation as well, and they will be close to me as much as they can
So, please do not worry when I am not active for the rest of today, I’m just getting nauseous from my headache and I don’t want to start the day feeling like this
Top Comments
Commenter 1: To add to the alt theme, this guy is clearly very adept on "how to use the internet" to further his own means. The fact that your posts exploded means he's likely seen them if he spends any time on Reddit and he'll be using this as a means to get to you, your friends, and anyone you trust as a method of spreading misinformation about you. I know you're asleep, but this isn't something that you should sit on until tomorrow. I'm not sure what the 'correct' course of action here is, but inform your family and call police non-emergency to let them know that there's an issue. They may have some indication for what to do next.
I'd also arrange some scheduled wellness calls and safe words with people you trust, where if you don't check in then it signals an alarm, and they can verify that who they're talking to is you. Tell them the safe words over the phone by voice so it can't be gleaned from your message history.
I'm not trying to be dramatic or overreact, here, but this kind of extreme situation requires even more extreme countermeasures. Please treat it with the gravity that it deserves!
Commenter 2: Based off what he’s already done I wouldn’t be surprised if he assembled a bot army to post some of the hateful/nasty responses you’re getting lol. But for real, getting offline and taking care of yourself is a good next step, good luck ❤️
Commenter 3: Is your family aware of what's going on too? It's vital you start telling those you trust exactly what's happened so that they understand the gravity of the situation. Also, get in there before he starts lying, because he absolutely will.
Commenter 4: Also. Assume all of your devices are compromised. He’s probably tracking you everywhere online. You need to spend some time securing your accounts and devices
Little Non-update: Dec 30, 2024 (same day, 11 hours later)
I still see people concerned for my safety so even though I’m taking a break for today I just want to share that I have received no communication from him today, and ended up going on a hike with a friend and then out to dinner and drinks and had a nice time, I am home with my family now and hopefully the rest of the night is as uneventful
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