I think about food all the time

It’s exhausting how something so basic and natural for most people has become an obsession for me. I plan every meal, weigh all my food, and count calories daily. But it’s more than healthy control—food consumes my thoughts.

I spend my days anxious about the next meal, even when I’m not really hungry. When I go over my daily calories, I feel overwhelming guilt and avoid eating more at all costs, even if I’m still starving. On the other hand, if I have calories left, even when I’m full, I feel the need to eat just to “stick to the plan.”

Seeing people around me eating freely, only when they’re truly hungry, is frustrating. I can’t do that because I never feel genuinely satisfied. It feels like I’m stuck in an endless cycle of guilt, anxiety, and control.

Does anyone else feel like this? How do you manage such a complicated relationship with food?