Unsure if I should keep in contact with my ex
My boyfriend (M18) of 2 years broke up with me almost a few weeks ago. I haven’t handled it well at all and I begged him to stay the first week or so but he barely checked in on me or anything. We didn’t have the best relationship in the last few months and we weren’t perfect to each other though he was mostly in the wrong. He never texts me or asks me how I’m doing and doesn’t seem to wanna keep in contact really, though after the breakup he agreed to meet me once a week for coffee for an hour. So every week we’ve been meeting up and of course I agree to it because I’m desperate to see him and still love and want him. It’s embarrassing but the first time I wrote him a long handwritten letter telling him how much he means to me. I gave it to him and I tried to talk about how badly I’ve been doing since the breakup and how depressed I’ve become and how much I want him back in my life but he refuses to talk about our relationship and just wants to meet to talk normally. We met again today and it was the same situation, me trying to express my feelings and him quickly becoming angry and refusing to listen. This is very hard for me because I don’t really have anything else to talk about with him, whilst he’s telling me about his friends and his new job and uni life. I don’t have a job and don’t know what I want to with my life yet and don’t really have any friends either. He was my best friend and I truly believed he was my purpose and loving him was what I lived for and now I’ve lost everything and have never felt more alone or betrayed. I can’t imagine him out of my life, he’s my first everything and I thought what we had was so intimate and cannot be replaced and I can’t see a future without him, which is why I’ve agreed to see him next week again. I know this is the wrong thing to do but I’m so obsessed with him that I can’t not see him. There’s no hope of us getting back together even though I suggest it, he says he’s made his final decision. I’m guessing he’s agreed to meet up because he wants to stay friendly for a while, but he never messages me and barely shows interest. It’s definitely one sided and when we do meet up I look at him with so much love and longing and he just doesn’t seem to care and it’s really tough because I keep thinking of all the things we did together that now mean nothing to him. He admits that he can’t be the person for me and that he just doesn’t care anymore. But part of me still wants to see him and be friends because he really was my best friend and I enjoy talking to him. But it’s hard when I want us to work and he doesn’t.