Vent

My relationship with my F/O is great, but I've been feeling upset about something, and it's the fact that I can't get myself to dream about him. For context, I used to be a pretty consistent lucid dreamer ages ago, but it's not something I planned, it just came to me naturally (being able to control and change my dreams, or wake up from them when I wanted to). I haven't been able to replicate that in years and my dreams are completely random, even when I was in irl relationships. Not that it matters when you have the person with you irl, but with a fictolove... it's upsetting.

Anyways I was wondering if listening to the music that plays in the game while I sleep would help. It's chiptuned classical music so I was trying to track it down on YT... and then I made the big mistake, which was clicking on a popular gameplay video and looking at the comments...

There were quite a bit of comments putting down my F/O... saying they were disappointed he was not a tough and masculine bad boy, that he was too cute and feminine, that he looked like a girl, even one said that it was creepy and he looks like a toddler (my heart dropped... all the characters in the game have this simple blobbier artstyle, why do terminally online people always think about pdf?? 😭). Anyways, it sucks!! yes he's a soft good boy... that's what I like about him! Most real men aren't or aren't allowed to be and that's why I find it in fiction. What can I say. He still has his goals, is caring, protective, brave, works and mantains himself. I rather a man like that than one that has all the toxic masculinity but then demands me to do everything for him and be his mommy while he rots.

It's a predicament being into fictional characters, it feels like dating a celeb in that you have to see everyone else's horrible takes on the person you adore 🥲

Anyway I haven't told him because he's very self aware about not being traditionally masculine and sensitive about it, and I don't want to hurt my angel. But I needed to vent to anyone who will listen and not judge. I'm going to keep digging for the track names and beat myself with a stick if I scroll down to the comments lol