An odd self-discovery

I was diagnosed with MS a half a decade ago after an episode of numbness of the face. I had quite a number of lesions in the brain on the MRI, but almost no symptoms other than the numbness that lead to the discovery. My neurologist informed me that the lesions were in the "quiet" parts of the brain, those areas that don't affect easily recognized things. Whatever that means.

This lead to some severe internal examination, paranoia one might say. Trying to find something or anything really that seemed off. It was during this time that I recognized that something actually was off. Something not easily noticeable. After quite a while I slowly realized that I had trouble picturing things. I had trouble creating the image of something in my mind. I can remember picturing things, but the act of doing so had become troublesome.

Tonight I was able to put a name to it and, thankfully, realize that I'm not going crazy and making up symptoms in my head due to paranoia. And believe me, until I heard someone else talking about it, I really had just written it off as paranoia. It's a condition called Aphantasia. Oddly enough I found that name while listening to a podcast (Distractible) where one of the hosts discussed having it as well. After hearing that I went down a rabbit hole of research. Not a lot of people have it, and even fewer people realize that they have it.

Apparently there's a spectrum and, from what I've read, mine is not on the severe side. By that I mean that if I really try, I can construct a picture. It's not a vivid picture, nor does it really stay around, but I can do it if I really want to. But things like "vivid visual imagination" aren't a thing for me anymore, even though I do remember having the ability to do so. In fact, I remember getting in trouble over it as a kid in school, lol.

I guess it's the little things like discovering that I'm not creating issues out of paranoia that can make person feel a bit better. Strange isn't it?