lf advice

hi, im a 17y/o female. im undiagnosed. im a freshman at college and im on campus. i have a roommate. im undeclared. i have been in therapy on and off my entire life for things but they were trauma and depression focused and ive had hallucinations on and off and paranoia and psychotic symptoms on and off since about 10. I finally was able to begin therapy here, at my college, covered fully. I am also seeing a psychiatrist to discuss diagnosis and whether she reccommends meds for my paranoia.

Backstory aside -- i feel worse recently. I think its a combination of living w people (constant dull noise, my fridge, no silence, i feel like when people talk they are the noise level equivalency of being in my room) of stress and of considering my symptoms and why im in therapy more. I struggle a lot believing myself. I would describe it as the mental situation of folding a cloth over and over on itself. I believe, partially, that im lying about everything and ive been doing it so long i believe myself now

It makes me wonder if that is why i feel worse when i think about my symptoms--that i am causing them and therefore they only occur through conscious thought, like, i will them to happen sort of.

but i dont think that, really. I have been confirmed to have had a psychotic episode in the past (the psychiatrist im meeting with confirmed that) and i know i do hallucinate (infrequently) and i am paranoid. I am just feeling wors elately and i worry once a week therapy is making me anxious and stressed. Not because of the therapy itself but because of everything around it i guess. I am sort of a mess and have had to correct my thoughts so im not going off into tangents multiple times writing this lol.

To conclude my question, i guess, is do others feel this way :( that thinking of and dwelling on, ig, or examining their symptoms worsens them. if so what do you do, what can i do? I also worry talking in therapy isnt helping. I am not eager to get on meds but i feel sick physically mentally all the time recently it seems. I don't like tabling this weekly after our sessions because it is not possible to table and it is causing me what i would consider to be distress.

Thank you so sorry if this post is not easy to read!! i apologize i appreciatr any help/thoughts.