the what if friends

I saw an anime edit of a boy that says "he didn't recieve any power, but was blessed with friends" or something alike. And I started thinking. How many friendships would've lasted longer or maybe forever if not for this disorder. What friends could I have made if I didnt suffer with this. How many wouldve stayed and how many wouldn't I leave if it weren't for this.

I grow up more and more, and this disorder has somewhat peaked in it's symptoms. The more I feel that friends are just one step away from disappearing. The bond isn't strong enough to hold up a bridge. It's not even strong enough to hold up a grape. I'm devastated knowing every connection I made isn't supposed to feel like this. That others create bonds stronger than the most inseparable material on earth. That even though I would take a bomb for my friends, I feel like they will always be one step out the door. I don't want to think these "what if", but it's hard not to when you feel so alone, always have and always will