I am about to attempt Xanax overdose

My entire life has been absolutely horrendous. I was molested as a child, my dad used to beat my mom and cheat on her, he used to beat me too. My older sister and brothers also used to beat me. And then I was homeless at 17 after my big brother beat me up at my highschool and bounced from shelter to shelter until I was 18 and then I slept in the streets for a bit until I met my ex boyfriend who took me in. I had a 6 year relationship that ended up being violent physically and financially. I got raped 3 times, the first time was right after my first break up. he put something in my drink and left me at his friends house when he was done with me. His friend found me in his appartment unconscious and did his thing too. I got pregnant from it and didn't know i was pregnant- i was drinking lots of alcohol because i was depressed I lost the baby. I only found out I was pregnant when I went to the hospital from the worst belly pain in my life and they told me it was a miscarriage. My second rape was from a friend I had known for 3 years, I knew his girlfriend and everything. Still not 1000% sure he put something in my drink but all I remember from the night was meeting him for drinks - I remember nothing after drinking my first drink except that he kept pushing me to drink my second drink, he kept saying "bottoms up you have to finish the drink" - he kicked me out his room at 4in the morning and the hotel staff helped me get in an Uber. 3 rape was from an old boss, he gave me coke and a bunch of drugs and pressured me until I said yes, I was scared and I just wanted to get it over with so after saying no a million times I said yes. He knew I was raped just two months before cause I told him that's the reason why I didn't want to have sex. The day after he started being extremely mean at work but I couldn't quit cause I was poor and practically homeless.

i got betrayed by every single friend I've ever had one way or another - friends have stolen money from me, or just been really unsupportive and leeching off whatever small amounts of money I'd have.

At work, I get sexually harassed at almost every single job I've ever had, I'm fairly attractive and men only see me for what they can get from me.

Mostly, I'm exhausted of constantly needing to work to provide for myself. I have no one to help me and it's becoming really hard to work as I get more and more depressed.

I don't speak to my family except my mom and baby brother. They're they only ones I don't want to hurt and I'm sorry for what I'm about to do to them.

There's a chance I get a new job this week after being unemployed for two months. I have 35$ left in my bank account

If I get the job I'll stay, if not, I'll swallow a couple boxes of Xanax and use the last of my money to buy alcohol to make the Xanax work faster

I don't actually want to die I just don't have any energy left to keep fighting all alone with no support.

I really can't be bothered anymore, I already feel completely dead inside anyways.