I’ve just been sitting here paralyzed by depression researching meds..

I’m starting meds again soon after being off them since around October. My biggest issue was the weight gain. I was taking lexapro and rexulti and I noticed I put on weight after starting the rexulti. I know I wanna take the lexapro again for sure because it helped with my anxiety so much. I’m torn between going back on the rexulti to just pull myself out of this without worrying about any crazy side effects or trying something else.

I’m considering either vraylar or lamictal. Reading the side effects is freaking me out because I’m barely functioning right now and I don’t feel like I can take being fucked up in any other way.. with vraylar you got akathisia (which sounds horrible), insomnia, I’ve also seen some say they felt nauseated.. and oh there’s a chance I might gain weight too though it’s not as likely as it is with rexulti. And then with lamictal you got the freaking rash bro. And it seems like that med can turn on you at any time!! I’m just so scared but I know I have to take something.

I feel so messed up. so lethargic, eating less and on edge. I cannot live like this. Biggest mistake of my life. If you’re reading this don’t be me and stay on your meds. It may feel amazing at first but shit can flip later down the line. I feel like I’m on the brink of death but also not really because I know I’m just depressed and anxious but I just feel completely off and messed up and scared of everything which makes me feel like I’m dying.