Think of quitting, don’t know how

I’ve scoured the Reddit threads and PA forum threads reading all about new grad s wanting to quit and red flags. But I still just don’t know.

Context: I’m a new grad 2 months into my new ED job. I very stupidly accepted the job because I was desperate, the pay and hours were good (I’m part-time) and no one else was calling me back after months of searching. The job only gave me 2 days of training before I was off on my own. I thought it’d be fine because there’s always an SP or another PA to ask questions to. And most of the SPs are great in answering my 100 questions.

But even then, this doesn’t feel right. I feel like I don’t know basic real life medicine just yet, just textbook stuff. I’m in constant anxiety about what to do even for the simplest cases. And I always feel like I’m missing something (and it turns out I usually am). I’m afraid I’m really gonna hurt a patient one day, not to mention malpractice. And there’s only so many times I can ask questions before the SPs start to get a little annoyed or disappointed because I should be making my own decisions.

I was going to stick it out for a year since I only go in 2 days a week. But I’m in so much anxiety on my off days, it doesn’t even matter. I’ve done the ER bootcamp, I study cases, and although I’m getting better, it’s not quick enough.

I see about 14-20 patients per shift of any acuity, which makes it worse. I thought it was going to be fast track (I did 4 urgent care rotations in PA school), but I guess I wasn’t clear enough in asking about this during my interview.

I just want to leave at this point. This was a great and rare opportunity, but not for a new grad. I don’t know when and how to quit either. I feel super guilty because the medical director and lead PA really stuck their necks out against Hospital administration to hire me. It’s not like they’re super short staffed, so I’m not sure why they did it. They’re very good people and I know I will be disappointing them and leaving them in a tight spot if I quit. Just don’t know what to do.