one month out from situationship of a year getting with someone else

i won't get too far into the past but i was limerent over this woman for literally almost 10 years. she was my first girlfriend when i was 13 and i think deep seated mommy issues never allowed me to let go of my one exposure to that feminine, nurturing bond

she has daddy issues complimentary to mine and was with a fuckboy for like 6 years who cheated on her and she would just let him. eventually he left her, and then i came back in and spent a year in the "im not ready but i do like you and will make out with you" zone

she met another guy around new years and immediately let me know she was taking him seriously and started posting him on her socials. he is also a fboy from the looks of it. i cut contact but yesterday she "hard launched" him on social media which i quickly found out about as everyone in my social circle follows her and knew how much i liked her

anyways. it has been a real kick in the teeth and a "punch to my unmasked face." anything i was dishonest to myself about was forced into my field of vision, namely the fact that i was fucking psychotic to not let this bond go with this person after a decade. and a whole host of other things i was doing to ruin my life that may have contributed to a hole inside me that i sought to be filled by someone else. i even have insane posts on this very sub from before she dumped me that i now recognize as insane

her going official with this guy has reignited some of my hurt and i'm a bit manic but i think overall i have learned a lot from this, will learn more and it will all be good for me.

frankly i think I should stop talking about it so much but these emotions are just so powerful - i write here so I don't bother my friends