My boyfriend won’t take me to the hospital because he’s mad at me.

A little backstory. In 2021 I was diagnosed with cervical cancer at age 24. It was caught early. I went through a series of treatments that led up to a surgery and have been in remission with clean scans since 2022. Yay! However, I do have a lot of residual problems down there. Nothing serious, just painful at times. Over the past few days I was feeling on and off pains in my pelvic area. I didn’t think much of it because I get cysts and activity like that sometimes that aren’t out of the norm for me. Over the course of last night and early hours this morning the pain amplified and spread to my lower back. It hurts to walk, it hurts to move, it even hurts to pee. I haven’t felt this way since I was going through treatments.

Bf and I have been in an argument which for us really means a small petty fight that makes him big mad. He always says we’re done and he stews and ignores me and acts rude to me for days until one day he snaps back and acts like it never happened. Today is day 3 of this particular episode. This morning I approached him and told him what was wrong and that I may need to see a doctor. His response “ok hope you get it sorted” without ever taking his eyes off of the computer.

So I’m like alright he doesn’t want to be bothered. I usually know when he’s like this to stay out of the way, endure a few days of eggshells and he snaps out of it. But also I don’t think I can drive myself. All day I have been trying to convince myself I’m being dramatic, it’s probably just a ruptured cyst. It’ll wear out. I’ve been in bed with a heating pad. I will go out periodically for a glass of water or to retake some ibuprofen. But all day he has seen me literally bed ridden or hobble around struggling to walk to get basic things. Says absolutely nothing.

Later on in the night I’m feeling hungry (haven’t eaten anything all day) and text him from the bedroom asking for a favor. I say hey I’m really sorry but do you think you can warm something up for me. I’m just in a lot of pain. I say leftovers, ramen, anything that’s easy for him I don’t care. He sighs SO LOUD that I hear it down the hall from the living room where he is. I hear him get up and start to slam cabinets and dishes around. He brings me food huffing and puffing. I thank him and tell him I’m sorry and didn’t mean to inconvenience him. This spirals into a tirade about how I can’t expect him to feel bad for me. That I’m an adult and should have seen a doctor if I felt I needed to. I tell him I didn’t think it was safe for me to try to drive which further spirals him into saying I can’t expect him to take care of me because he had broken up with me. His words: “when you’re not with someone anymore these are basic ass boundaries.” Mind you, we moved out of our home state for his new job and have no friends or family here that can jump in.

So alright. Pop off. You can’t drive a sick person who you are living with to a hospital or even ever ask if they’re okay after watching them suffer all day because boundaries. I didn’t ask for god damn the ride but still have to be yelled at that he wouldn’t have anyways because boundaries. I understand boundaries. I respect the concept of boundaries. But I hate that he thinks he’s so valid and woke for throwing that term around under this context.

I hate that I’m even writing some Reddit post about him when I am feeling weary of my health. With my history this is just a little scary. But here I am needing to vent because he makes me feel absolutely crazy. I understand why some women say “you stay until you hate them.”