My friend told me I drain everyone’s energy. I don’t know how to act now.

She meant well. She called me up and said out of love that she can tell that me trying to cover up my anxiety or sadness is obvious and me faking it makes people uncomfortable and instead I should just lean into the pain instead of being ‘fake’. This really hurts because I realize i may push a lot of people away with my deep sadness.

She invited me to thanksgiving this Thursday. She said she wants to be sure I can be myself because she doesn’t want me to bring down the group energy, which she claims I’ve done before. I feel like a dark cloud.

She underscored that it’s NOT my pain that makes people uncomfortable, but my inauthenticity, or the mask I wear to hide the pain. But I don’t know how else to be when going through something. She assured me that she loves me very much.

—

She gave me specific examples: 1. When we hung out with three other girlfriends a week before, she said two of them didn’t come back for dinner after the hike because they felt my “sadness” and what I was covering up made the energy draining. 2. During a solo car ride to East LA a few days later, she noticed my negative thought patterns and admitted it made her feel anxious. I sensed the tension too. I tried to remedy it by moving past it and asking her about herself but she was tense and motivated communicating.

On the phone, she confessed this was hard to share because she’s avoidant and would typically distance herself from people who aren’t “energetically aligned” with her (she’s proud of curating honest, empathetic friends). But she said she loves me and wants me to get the help I need to show up authentically.

After the call, I felt sad but at peace, relieved to know the strangeness between us wasn’t in my head. But now I just feel SAD because I don’t know the solution—I put up a front when I’m sad or uncomfortable, and it’s hard to be vulnerable when I don’t feel safe.